11 Munths!

I love you too. I'm sorry. I don't know why i'm so frustrated all the time and i'm taking it out on you. I look forward to talking with you, but when I do, I just push you away and I realise that. Its like going to drive a car when you know you are heading into a crash. I don't know, maybe my subconscience is trying to find out how much you can take before you get rid of me. I'm so sorry baby.



You tell me to grow up. I honestly think I am good where I am. I can be grown-up and mature. I can just accept being far away for all these years. I can be grown-up, write up a plan, stick to a routine and not think of home. I can sleep at 10pm every night, wake up at 7am every morning, go to lectures and study every single bloody day till i graduate. And you know what? I tried doing that the 1st few weeks I was here, and where was the time for us? Everyday at 8pm you are busy. Well, I guess I could be mature about it and say "Oh Well." and get on my routine. I always know the right thing. I always know what to do, but knowing and doing it is so different. I just can't get into a happy routine without you.



I want to miss you. I want to see your face before I fall asleep everynight. I honestly think i can't do that if I were to put you at the back of my mind.



I just hope that this little storm we are going through is just me reacting to not being with you when our 1 year anniversary comes up. And that all the plans that I had for my birthday this year will not be fulfilled. For a long time, I thought I would be home for our 1st year anniversary. That I will celebrate my 24th with the closest people in my life.



I promise to find a balance soon. Just know that no matter how frustrated, how un-lovable I get. I LOVE YOU. And nothing can change that.



Miss you. Try to find some happiness today?



Happy 11th Munth AnniverZary baby.



:)